Take Another Look











{May 15, 2010}   EOPGFKERPGKO@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LEAST PATIENT PERSON IN THE WORLD ME.

STUCK IN A CIRCLE ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND.

GOT TO GET OUT OF THE CIRCLE.

OUT!!!!!! PICK SOMETHING. STAY WITH IT. STOP SETTLING. STOP TRYING TO THINK TWENTY MOVES AHEAD. STOP THIS LIVING IN THE MOMENT STUFF IF IT ISNT WORKING.

IT SOMETIMES WORKS.

BUT MOSTLY… IT FEELS LIKE IM NOT FACING UP TO THINGS.

EXCEPT THINGS THAT I KNOW WONT ANSWER ME.

STILL LOVE ONLY ONE PERSON. EVER. HAVE ONLY LOVED ONE PERSON. THE SAME PERSON. MY PERSPECTIVE SORT OF FLEW OUT THE WINDOW. BUT THEY MAKE ME HAPPY.

BUT I FEAR WE CANT GET BACK TOGETHER. THAT MAKES ME SAD.

ANYWAY ABOUT THE REST OF MY LIFE… I GUESS IF I COULD DEAL WITH ALL FACETS AT ONCE THEY WOULDNT BE FACETS.

ONE AT A TIME.. LIKE MY APPROACH TO LIFE. NEED TO SHIFT MY APPROACH TO LIFE TO MY APPROACH TO STRATEGIZING, OR MY LACK OF STRATEGIZING.

IN THE PAST I JUST SURROUNDED MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO HAD THE QUALITIES I DIDNT.

THEN I DRIFTED WITH AND FOUND PEOPLE WHO WERE LIKE ME… IN SOME WAYS. IN DIFFERENT WAYS. THE MAIN DIFFERENCE WAS WHO I CONFIDED IN AND WHO I DIDNT CONFIDE IN.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BURSTING

BUT ALSO SO CAUTIOUS

IT IS THIS CRAZY MIXTURE OF HESITANCE AND BOLDNESS.. REPEATS A LOT.

NEED TO PUT IT DOWN.

CRAZY OF ME TO THINK I WOULD JUST LIVE IN MY MOOD IF I TOOK THE THINGS I WAS DOING AWAY.. OR CHANGED THE THINGS I WAS DOING. LIKE THINKING A FISH WOULD CHANGE TO A FROG IF I PUT IT ON LAND.. THAT IS HOW I HAVE BEEN WITH MYSELF.

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