Take Another Look

{February 28, 2010}   permanance or a poetic gesture of it

As if I think meaning is nothing if it doesn’t hold a key or clue to how to handle the future but if some one doesn’t know how to be in your life now how can you expect them to ever figure out how to be in your life later?  I mean how can you trust them to figure it out if they only show signs that they don’t try their best. You don’t care if their best is 20 percent, as long as they are trying, you can make do with 20 percent. But something is holding them back, they won’t tell you. Is it something you did? They flounder in an out of your life, making you feel so much better, so connected and alive for once,  then leaving you out in the cold to shoulder your own time bomb.

“I relieve you of your obligation of caring of me,” they say, but no can do. All I did was doggedly search for a way, single minded as always, ignoring every wound, but I  keep going. A determined heart and a reckless bold mind- I wish it were the other way around, with the determined mindset and a bold heart? Hell, I don’t know. Every part of me seems bold but also hesitant as hell. Either way.. It’s scaring me, What I mean is that I scare me but I don’t care about fear. It’s okay to be afraid. Like that little saying ever did anybody any good.. it probably has.


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