Take Another Look











{February 14, 2010}   dream last night

I use a pay phone to call to get instructions to find my compass from Downey my boyfriend, but when he picks up the phone he speaks in a foreign language. I ask in English for a translator and he LAUGHS at me. “No, this time it’s serious” I try to say but he doesn’t hear me, I just know he doesn’t hear me, and suddenly he is talking in English but it is a tennis game report. I eagerly say “You DO know English! Please! You know where to find the compass! I even hid it inside something I gave you but then you moved but you said you still had it but I don’t think you still have it-!” Then the operator asks me if I have another quarter to insert and I don’t, the phone clicks off and I hold the phone to my ear hoping that the operator was a joke, another excommunication, but it wasn’t. I feel betrayed and I roam the streets of the city at two in the morning looking for my compass. I look at Aaron’s apartment, I look at places that “shine” with significance for me as a place. Desperation is the key. Places I went to when I was most desperate. People try to claw at me, saying that they want to know the way, and I tell them I’m the last person to ask, but they say that they disagree, that I am the only person to ask. I find the compass in front of Dicks market in the hands of a 12 year old runaway. She is so young and her eyes are so hard and and her hair is dyed like a rainbow and I want to make her better. She looks up and says nervously “who tipped you off?” I say “Oh my God, you have no idea how hard it was to find you!” She hands me the compass but before I can run after her go question her she is gone. I wonder how she knew to give the compass to me I wonder how it was possible that i found it without instructions. I look at the compass and instead of an arrow turning it says “You Are Lost. East South North and West will never exist for you” I spin around in shock hoping an arrow will jolt into working but instead more people start clawing at me for instructions, they say I know the only way. If being lost is the only way I cannot tell them this, it will destroy all hope. Then I wake up.

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