Take Another Look











{September 7, 2009}   fuck’d

Her mirror showed hazed eyes that couldn’t seem to hold their own. A dazed non-confrontational trance that could not be shaken. The handler wasn’t coming through today. Why did she think she was, trusting those jerk offs with her daily sanity? People were so flippant about these situations. Watched it too much on some “reality TV” show. Or maybe they sat there forgetting to take the needle out of their arm thinking about how cool Punk’d is. Punk’d is a waste of space, and so is anybody who watches it, especially if they are over 14. Ashton goes all the way to Atlanta to put ding dongs in front of a restaurant and ring a bell. Wow, his mother must be feeling pretty proud right now. What a contribution he is making to all those teenage followers out there that now are so excited about their boring leader. Just make sure you mention it in school, the crowd think, or people will think I don’t fit in. Which they don’t. Gawky, acne, half-adult half children walking around with the only thing on their mind being “please let me be invisible.”

She stumbled down the stairwells and tried to swallow something to get the bad feeling that had been building out of her system. Just ignoring it wasn’t enough. Just relaxing and getting lost in what she liked doing wasn’t enough. She had to be shallow one moment and deep another and it was getting tiresome. All the spinning of gears wasn’t attracting the right sort of attention. Instead people were poking and pointing at one another, staring at the car, wondering why the car was spinning and digging its wheels into the mud.

Where was she supposed to be? Just be there. It’s not so simple, she would say, but she doesn’t have it in her to speak. Now is when all the visual aids would pop in: she begins to meld into another image and some commentary is made by the image, except if you asked whoever was watching their only response would be was “it was cool?” Nobody would know what it was they actually saw.

You can’t really waste time. Can you?

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